Is it good vibes or toxic positivity?

What is toxic positivity?

Simply put, toxic positivity involves an unrealistic expectation or undue pressure to maintain a positive attitude regardless of the circumstances. That is, even in the face of difficult or negative conditions, one should portray happy or positive thoughts and behaviours. In essence, this comes from the belief that you can ‘fake it till you make it’. The idea that acting as if you are happy, will magically make your problems go away.  

Now, don’t get me wrong the psychological technique ‘Act as if’ was initially designed to help people change their self-defeating mindset and has its place in cognitive-behavioural therapy. However, this technique is meant to be used to complement other emotional and cognitive self-work to improve confidence and accomplish goals.

Why is toxic positivity harmful?

Sadness, anger and jealousy are normal emotions- Although it may seem intuitive to always be in a positive mood, this is far from realistic. The truth is human beings have five (5) main emotions: happy, sad, anger, fear and disgust. It is certainly counterintuitive to expect one emotion, namely happiness to supersede all others. Yes, it is good to be positive, but life is full of twists and turns that evoke a variety of emotions. If we deny ourselves the freedom to experience “negative emotions” such as anger, sadness, disappointment etc. we avoid our feelings, which often lead to psychological difficulties.

Suppressing emotions is an unhealthy coping mechanism, where individuals ignore or avoid certain emotions. This may result in you becoming disconnected from those in your environment and your interactions will become surface level due to the pretense and inauthentic range of emotional expression. While the aim is to display positivity, long-term emotional suppression can have the opposite effect. That is, the build up of ‘negative emotions’ can become anxiety, irritability or even depression. Think about it, when you feel something, if you ignore it without any sort of internal resolution, this emotion does not simply disappear. It festers, generating a bitterness that can be likened to the bush plant cerasee!   

Being overly positive can dismiss actual problems- In an environment where everyone is always expected to be upbeat and never complain or have ‘negative emotions’, persons can experience shame and guilt when they do feel these emotions, because their environment has conveyed the message that these emotions are unacceptable. For example, in the name of ‘positivity’, managers may downplay or ignore workplace challenges rather than directly addressing them. As a result, people may try to hide that they are struggling with tasks or shy away from seeking assistance and feedback from team members. This undoubtedly contributes to stagnation as personal and professional growth requires that individuals genuinely overcome challenges rather than pretend there is no issue. Moreover, when the environment stifles employee voice, this contributes to a disconnect between leadership and employees or employees may become disengaged or uninterested in work because management is inattentive to their needs.

What does toxic positivity look like in the workplace?

• Co-workers or management minimizes or refuses to acknowledge your critical feedback e.g. ‘let’s not focus on the negatives’

• Co-workers or management shame you for showing signs of stress or other ‘negative emotions’

• Co-workers or management try to deflect from injustice or try to frame unfavourable situations in a positive way e.g. 'this is a blessing in disguise' or 'just focus on the positive’

• Co-workers and managers are not transparent about the challenges or financial standing of the organization

4 ways to combat toxic positivity

1. Create an environment of open communication, where employees can raise concerns and voice opinions without guilt or shame. For example, train managers to have an open-door policy that facilitates vertical communication across organizational levels. This requires training for communication skills so that managers can become aware of their communication style and learn how to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations. People naturally avoid conversation and topics that make them feel uncomfortable, and if managers feel discomfort navigating ‘negative emotions’ such as sadness, anger or even criticism, then they may push an unrealistic expectation of positivity.

   
   

2.  This follows the above point of communication training. Another important aspect of communication is to be aware of 'mustabatory' language. This amusing word refers to unrealistic demands or expectations of oneself and others, which often manifest through the use of words such as ‘must’ or ‘should’. If managers and co-workers communicate using these absolute statements, it sets the tone that employees “must have good vibes only”. This extreme position conveys that anything outside of good vibes is wrong or bad and is simply unrealistic. Utilize more validating statements such as “This seems to be troubling you, let me know how I can support you with this” or “I can see how frustrating/unfair/challenging this is, do you need help?”

   
   

3. Include employees in problem-solving. It can be frustrating and isolating when organizations utilize top-down problem-solving strategies. Frustrating to employees, who feel that policies and procedures are foisted on them and isolating to management who become villainized for not understanding their subordinates. Being transparent about challenges and changes within the organization builds trust among employees. But more importantly, it presents the opportunity for open feedback from those who will be impacted by the change. Frame problems in a constructive manner by asking “How can we enhance/refine/improve this situation?” or “We are open to your suggestions on this issue”.

   
   

4. Provide support or an outlet for employees to navigate challenges. Let’s face it, times are extraordinarily grueling. From finances, family life and work stress, people are dealing with demands from all angles. It may be difficult for people to regulate their emotions and process challenges, which is possibly beyond the scope and training of any manager. In this case, an in-house psychologist or psychological service should be readily available to employees.  

Positivity is always welcomed, however, it’s important that we don’t become delusional or blatantly ignore real issues. A problem won’t go away if we simply pretend it doesn’t exist. They key is to strike a balance between having a positive outlook and active problem-solving. Allowing employees to air frustrations, while including them in reframing issues, fosters trust in management.